Bohegan Mumblings

Because the race isn't over till someone comes last.

Monday, September 03, 2007

M50 Monolith Mysteriously Returns!

The ferris wheel is back. Every year it returns, it's vast spokes and undulating carraiges mesmerising drivers on the M50, always around the time when the schools go back. Who puts it there? Who can say.

Perhaps it's a visitor from another world, as curious about us as we are about it. Perhaps it was erected by a secretive cabal of sadistic parasites who feed on our frustration, who revel in minor dents and scratches inflicted on car bumpers. Perhaps it's just some arsehole who clearly never has to drive anywhere in the rush hour and doesn't understand that the first week in september represents a massive increase in mornign and evening traffic because lazy kids cannot be expected to walk anywhere on their own.

All I know for sure is that if you are in front of me and I see your head turn in it's direction while your brake lights flicker, you are getting rammed my friend.

Baby on board you say? And putting that sticker up somehow abdicates all your responsibilities? Well I have one word to say to that - Whiplash!

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Nunberry's Fables Part 1 : The Boy Who Cried Quiche

Boy Who Cried Quiche.
A fable by Nunberry

Once upon a time there was a little boy, not unlike your self. He liked climbing trees and catching frogs and drilling holes in the walls of toilet cubicles that were just big enough for him to align with his mobile phone's camera lense. One day, when he was out on the mountainside tending to his sheep and he was bored out of his tree (which, you remember, he used to enjoy climbing, but ever since he got that PS3 the shine has worn off), to help pass the time he began to yell -
"Quiche! There's a Quiche!"

The people of the village heard his cries and rushed to the mountainside carrying sticks and toothbrushes who's bristles they had melted together and sharpened on a brick. They searched and searched but there was no quiche to be found. An angry villager warned the boy -
"If you be crying quiche when there don't be no quiche, you be sorry one day!"
but the boy just laughed and replied -
"Fuck off you inbred old fart".

The villagers returned to the village, closing the doors to their mud huts behind them. Just as the last door closed, the boy sniggered to himself and yelled -
at the top of his lungs. Again the villagers came with cordless drills and the aerial off an 80's ford Cortina but there was no quiche to be found. Muttering, they trudged back to the village. The boy laughed heartily but soon found himself bored once more.
"QUICHE!!!!" he roared, "A fucking great Quiche!!!!" but no one came. "QUICHE!!!!" but there was not a peep from the village. With all his might he yelled again "QUICHE!!!!!".

Fate dealt him a cruel blow - a group of vegitarians were driving their bioethanol van over the mountain that day. They heard his cries, the thoughts of delicious quiche driving them into a frenzy. They crashed the van into the boy's herd of sheep and sprang, their claws slicing through his abdomen like malted milk biscuits through coffee. They feasted on his flesh long into the night. Also, a man named Keith who was hard of hearing turned up but he was too embarassed by his mistake to interfere.

Here endeth the lesson.

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Monday, July 23, 2007

Autobots are a menace

While I haven't bothered my arse to watch the film, having seen both the trailer and a number of episodes of the old show in the eighties, I feel I am more than informed enough to declare the Autobots a menace to society and our dear planet, Earth. Not one of those phonies transforms into a car that can be run on bio-ethanol, or even a hybrid-drive car like the Toyota Prius. It's a disgrace. I don't know about you, but if I was going to travel half way across the galaxy to defend a planet from giant marauding deathbots, I would make sure that I wasn't dooming the inhabitants to the hell of changeable weather, flash floods and a new ice age first. It's just good manners. No wonder they don't want to stay on Cybertron, it's probably a dead frozen shit-hole with quite a few of it's indiginous insects, bunnies and flightless birds now extinct. At least the Decepticons - contrary to their name - are in fact pretty honest about it. They came to kill. Good for them. We need more politicians like that in office. (I mean about the "honest" thing, not the "we came to kill" thing, we have plenty of those, thanks).

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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Currently available for trade

Caterpie x 1
Weedle x 1
Horsea x 1
Houndour x 1
Poocheyna x 1
Rhyhorn x 2
Wynaut x 1
Nidoran x 3
Ralts x 3
Tediursa x 4
Chikorita x 1
Bulbasaur x 1

Hatchlings and Spares
Snorlax (3) (2 Female) - 2 hatched, 1 traded
Mudkip - Hatched
Skitty (6) - 5 hatched, 1 caught
Murkrow (3) - Hatched
Squirtle (3) - Hatched
Turtwig (4) - Hatched
Eevee (4) (1 female) - Hatched (one levelled to 4)
Umbreon (1) - Hatched and lvld
Leafeon (1) - Hatched and lvld
Nidoran Fem (2) - Hatched
Growlithe (3) - Hatched
Totodile - Hatched
Krabby - Caught
Carnivine (3) (1 female) - Hatched
Snover - Caught
Spiritomb - Hatched
Duskull (6) (2 Female) - Hatched
Swinub - Caught
Torchic (4) (1 Female) - Hatched
Bulbasaur (2) (1 Female) - Hatched
Treeco (3) (1 Female) - Hatched
Scyther (2) (1 Female) - Hatched
Salamence (Female) - Traded
Arcanine (Female) - Traded
Banette - Caught
Mime Jr. - Caught
Charizard - Traded, probable hack (lv100, only has 3 moves, was practically given away)
Charmander (3) (1 female) - Hatched
Combee (1) - Hatched
Swellow - Caught
Minun (Female) - Caught
Monferno - Traded
Riolu - Hatched
Miltank (Female) - Traded
Phione - Hatched
Milotic (female) - Traded
Glameow (2) - Hatched
Feebas (2) (1 female) - Hatched
Shieldon (2) - Hatched
Burmy - Hatched
Pichu (2) (1 Female) - Hatched
Mantine (Female) - Hatched
Doduo (female) - Caught
Heracross (Female) - Hatched
Dunsparce (Female) - Caught
Hippopotas (Female) - Hatched
Elekid (2) - Caught

Leftovers, dregs and orphans
Bidoof (2) (Female)
Geodude (2)
Machop (2)

Available on request :
Espeons, Umbreons and Lucarios. That's right, I will walk 10,000 steps and I will walk 10,000 more just to be that man who walks 20,000 steps to fall down at your door (with a soothe-belled level 2 happiness evol in my bag)

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Bringing it back Hoenn

Look, there's no point dancing around it, let's just get this out in the open. I play Pokémon. I don't care that it's a merchandising cash-cow that's squeezing it's engorged teats all over the pre- and primary school market, I don't care that on the surface it's 2 steps removed from making two teddies wrestle. Pokémon is not a kids game. I should know, I saw Empire Strikes Back in the cinema the first time it was released. No, not the special edition with the extra bits of Wampa in it, the old-school one. It is *not* a kids game. It's the new chess, except now the Queen and King can be left in daycare to get it on and beget as many pawns as you need.

I'm confident that Nintendo share my views, because they've added in network functionality for those of us who can no longer get away with hanging around playgrounds and schoolyards looking for trades. There's only so many times you can whisper "Wanna see my Bulbasaur?" from a bush beside Toys-R-Us before you start getting a reputation. Those days are gone though, now we can put away our trenchcoats and trade the way god intended - from the couch, drinking a beer and watching reruns of the Outer Limits.

Now, with that in mind, I'll be using this post as a record of which of those adorably violent creatures I need for my collection.

037 Vulpix
038 Ninetales
045 Vileplume
048 Venonat
049 Venomoth
088 Grimer
089 Muk
090 Shellder
091 Cloyster
114 Tangela
144 Articuno
145 Zapdos
146 Moltres
182 Bellossom
186 Politoed
191 Sunkern
192 Sunflora
204 Pineco
205 Forretress
207 Gligar
211 Qwilfish
213 Shuckle
243 Raikou
244 Entei
245 Suicune
249 Lugia
250 Ho-oh
251 Celebi
290 Nincada
291 Ninjask
292 Shedinja
304 Aron
305 Lairon
306 Aggron
320 Wailmer
321 Wailord
343 Baltoy
344 Claydol
361 Snorunt
362 Glalie
369 Relicanth
380 Latias
381 Latios
382 Kyogre
384 Rayquaza
385 Jirachi
485 Heatran
486 Regigigas
487 Giratina
491 Darkrai
492 Shaymin
493 Arceus

T-52 and counting....
I'm currently breeding Charmander, Bulbasaur, Squirtle, Totodile, Torchic, Treecko, Cyndaquil, Phione, Growlithe, Turtwig, Duskull and Eevee. PM me on or (under the name of Nunberry) if you want to save all those unwanted lovechildren from going into the mincing machine round the back of the day-care centre. Duskull burgers FTW!

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Friday, June 02, 2006

Lovesong for a Knobgobbler released!

OK, so I make very poor b-movie scifi and horror flics for The Movies Online . Maybe 'b' is being too kind. I'm down somewhere between F and N. Anyway, the point is that as a promotional effort for the in-production "Bite of the Knobgobbler", I've released a music video featuring the love theme from that film, an 80's style powerballad called "Lovesong for a Knobgobbler". It's got low production values and no artistic merit, so it suits the movie perfectly. Check it out here :

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Better yet go here, log in and vote for it so I can get some precious precious Charlies.

Saturday, May 27, 2006

I am a disappointingly gay western

It's true. I wanted to be Django. I'd have settled for a Tuco spin off. But no, I'm Ringo....

Which spaghettiwestern character are you?

You are Ringo - the goodhearted ex-soldier comming back from the war. You're a nice person and you only shoot at the bad guys.
Take this quiz!


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